The Map

The Map

Map spelled backwards is Pam, and that’s what’s going on here. I’m pamming up my life, so that I can slide into this adventure. No more sticking to a schedule. The oven is preheated and its about time to get the ball moving so that I can hit the trail.

-Create a plan of how this is going to happen.
-See if anyone wants to support (or join) me.
-Get to know the map!
-Start eating grass and tree bark to get adjusted.
-Put together a pack. Just everything I need for 3 weeks.
-Warn Diane Van Deren.
-Start becoming the more extroverted me.
-Tell my parents that I love them (and convince my mom to trade me her Iphone for my 3-year-old junker)


My Daily Meditations

To halt the bustle of life. Breathe in. To have thoughts without needing to grab onto these thoughts. Breathe out. To find strength from within. Breathe in. To sit in quiet stillness. Breathe out. To inhale deeply into the marrow of my body. Breathe in. To learn to be aware. Breathe out. To learn to listen. Breathe in. To learn to relinquish past and present. Breathe out. To return, again and again, sinusoidally to here and now.


Trans Parent Sea

To not hide. To be completely okay with who you are. To not try and manipulate the world to work for you. To let go of your attachment to reputation. To share the good, the bad, the ugly. To be brutally honest with yourself. To strip off all the different masks you wear. To admit your humanity. To be transparent. 


Pro Duck Tiff

Being more productive is a strange intention. Because there are moments in our life when it is entirely beneficial for us to relax. To do nothing. To be productive sounds similar to me as being a machine. We become all out about output rather than process.

However, there are moments in which I need to get shit done. And things nag at me constantly. Distraction, distraction, squirrel! Strangers walking by. Catch up conversations with acquaintances. Unwarranted internet searches. Checking my email, again and again. Thinking about food. Planning out my future. Watching how many likes my facebook status got. These are the distractions that pull us out of the moment. This is the bullshit that clouds our heads.


This is what I want to eliminate, in order to be more productive. To be able to give over-my body, mind, attention, and spirit-to whatever it is I am doing. To be more productive.

Sleeping Outside

The morning sky. Stars. Waking up early. Smells. Dreaming in space. Darkness that obscures. Late night wildlife. Connection to the Earth. Sleeping bag warmth.

Finding that thing that makes you get out of bed.


Finding Intention

Another Monday. And I’m thankful for weekends and new weeks. I want to set intentions for this week so that I am able to float freely, while, at the same time, attaching myself to several handrails.

First off, my findings: Last night I found a perfect banana sittin atop a full trash can, and grabbed it and raised it to the sky in a glorious moment of Lion-King-esque splendor. And three days ago, I found a 2/3 full pack of mint-melon gum sitting all by itself on the steps of the campus library. Two days ago, I found this dirt basement in a building on campus, about 12 degrees warmer  Perfect place to sleep if it gets too cold. It even has a night light of sorts that I can turn on or off.


Finding things is magical. Food, spaces, pieces of yourself. An unexpected gift. Something to be explored. A chance to be Columbus or Lewis and Clarke or any famous pioneer who now has a bad rep.

This week. I’d like to sleep outside every weekday night. Be more productive with my time. Be more transparent. Meditate each day. Learn to let my face express what I’m feeling.

Intentions prove to be effective if and only if we fasten them to direct implementation. Tie them down. Yoke ourselves to them. So, I plan on writing each day this week on one of my 5 intentions and then taking the weekend to process and plan for next week.

May my blog serve to hold me accountable.

Before and After

There is the famous saying out there: “you are what you eat”. I am by no means an expert on food. I have generally thought in the past that it doesn’t really matter what I eat. Pop-tarts or pizza or peanuts, I simply thought my energy level was a choice. That it fluctuated with my mood or that maybe sleep played into the equation a little bit.


But now, I’m starting to understand that what we put on our bodies is our fuel. For how well we can concentrate, for how we are sustained, for the decisions we make, for how we feel, and for our energy levels. I feel a dilemma, as always, in my pursuit. I want to learn about nutrition and how to heal my body through what I eat, but I cannot, with any kind of precision, control what I eat. And so, I will have to wait. I feel that I have a tendency to live with one foot in the future, thinking about what I want to learn next. And it’s helpful, for it pulls me along effortlessly. But, at the same time, it pulls me away from the present.

So for now, I will do the best I can-learning about foods-but I will wait for complete immersion self-experimentation.