Soul-Looking

I guess the common phrase we have in today’s nomenclature is soul searching and I feel like the last few years of my life could be summed up pretty well by that two word process. But I take today to look inside of my busy self to see if I can pinpoint what beliefs I hold very near and dear in order that I may actually try to shoulder who I believe that I am. How would my life be different if I actually did live out those ambitious and resolute aretes? Arete is the greek concept that meant pure excellence and was described by something fulfilling its purpose. The word in English refers to a sharp narrow ridge found in rugged mountains and I feel that the arete to me is a combination of the two definitions- a portmanteau of sorts. But rather than just finding aretes on postcards or dreaming of one day hiking them (when the time is right), what if I had the integrity to begin to walk the ridges now, to allow my core beliefs to shape who I am and who I am becoming?

That is this week’s goal- to look into my soul-not to find myself, but to discover what is already there. And to caterpillar-crawl in thoughts of what taking these ideals seriously- would require and entail. I catch myself often disgusted when I feel my actions are not in phase with my values. So I hope to use these seven days to sort through this haystack of thoughts and emotions until I can uncover the bare values that exist within my soul.

The Experi-mint

A sudden interest in both creating and trying new things coupled with a uneventful Sunday morning have beautifully come together to prompt me into typing once again in the public domain. Maybe this is some insecurity that I carry which makes me need to be heard, or maybe it is some noble realization that the world is such a goofy place, and a report from my point of view, would venerably serve the human race.

I don’t expect people to read this and I don’t plan on telling anybody about this ‘secret location’ on the world wide web, but I do anticipate keeping up with weird shenanigans on which I am endeavouring and with life from my humourous, reliable, and reflective point of view.

I feel that the honest person is neither a comedian, journalist, and philosopher, but since I have decided to be all three, I’ve got a fighting chance. A comedian is able to be honest with others, because sometimes life’s circumstances stink- like an old banana you left in your bookbag over summer break- and they are the only ones willing to tear down their bulwark and allow other humans to laugh not with them but at them. A journalist is able to see the world honestly. He works with valiant fervor to find the most outlandish stories to impress his audience, and through failed attempts of fabrication, realizes that the best stories are the very ones that occur when non-fiction and timing meet in a perfect and destined encounter. A philosopher is able to be honest with himself, because despite him grappling with the ways of the world, he is forced to look down his dark trachea, past the clogged arteries of social conditioning, and into the ugly and mysterious human heart. He learns to question his own actions before he can don the world with healthy conciet. And so I am attempting to harness and coalesce these three personas that I’ve come to realize I am stuck with, into my own sort-of Captain Planet; not to save the Earth, but to save myself. Ah, too cliche… to sieze the day, no that’s to ambiguous, to Esse Quam Videri.

You can check the translation out in your own dear time. I hope to intertwine challenges, new words, poetry, contemplation, and wit, as if they were christmas ornaments, into my posts. Not to make the christmas tree beautiful, but to enjoy the process of decorating- of taking the things which I have found to be valuable, beautiful, or strange and find the perfect place for them to bask in my light and then live in others. And I always keep my probing eyes open for meaningful and quaint ornaments, so give, share, and take; treat this as the lost-and-found box at your local swimming pool.

Coming to a Close

New places, new faces, new friends, new fascinations. More than a journey, more than a destination. Completing my youth with a secure foundation, I will continue my ‘walk with Christ’ with new revelations.

A long trip, a lot of training, a life transformation. Loving arms on a cross, Christ’s sublime invitation. More than a religion, so much more than an obligation. I am now called to serve, love, and live in God’s creation.

Words, or pictures, or even a poem-that-rhymes cannot capture all that the past nine months have done for me. And the surprising thing is that I do not even feel like I have changed that much.(although I know I have) Sure, I know that I am different, I respond differently to different situations, I have a better understanding of who God is, I have different passions and ideas for changing the world, but I still feel like Jordan.

I still love cereal and having fun and dressing up in wacky costumes. I understand that God has created us each in our own unique way and that God believes in(or even created the beauty within) diversity and differences within His kingdom, within His Church.

I have felt God’s presence, in a park where people are delighting in Him, I have heard God’s voice in the laughter of a group of college students enjoying each other, I have seen God’s beauty in a lonely man’s face as he makes friends for the first time in years, I have tasted God’s goodness in a meal shared with Chinese exchange students, and I have smelled the aroma of God in a neighborhood barbecue as the sun sets into the earth.

We have somehow forgotten that all good things are from God and that all truth is from God. But really, this God who is so brilliant, who created the laws of physics, the human mind, and the oceans cares tremendously about each and every one of His children and wants us to delight in Him in our own way.

A Christian is a little Christ. So thanks for following along with me and supporting me as I have been inspired, enlightened, and astonished on my way to becoming a little Christ to the world. All glory to God, He is the one who is worthy and deserving…

Becoming.

I apologize for the lack of posts in the last weeks. There has been less to write about because Connecticut, for me and for those around me, is more about an internal transformation than about what we are physically doing. We are continually learning the importance of getting our hearts in the right place before jumping into doing good works.

And that is what makes following Jesus different. He requires a heart transformation; he requires us to become a new creation and not just a better person. All the problems in our world, hunger, child sex slavery, the weak economy can not be solved with more money, politicians, or people doing good things – though this may help. The only solution to the pollutions in our world is a heart change within people. If we truly start to love God and love others then it only makes sense that we will want to take care of our hungry neighbors, start loving each child as our own, and use ‘our’ money to help each others needs. The answers are inward ones, ones of the heart, and I am learning how to ask myself am I part of the problem or part of the solution.

A quote from my mentor, “We can only love the people we are with at each moment”. We can dream all we want about what we would do if we only got to go to Africa, or Belize, or Mexico, but what it boils down to is that our neighbor(s) at each moment are the people we are with. So while missing the family, friends, and the people I met in Mexico I am trying to focus on the ‘here and now’. Laughing, living, sharing, caring about, and loving the people I am with now.

I got to travel to Boston, MA for a week where we visited an outdoor holocaust museum, dressed up like ninjas, and watched the Harvard crew team practice. I have spent my free time reading, eating with chopsticks, talking with strangers, and riding an orange bike. I am becoming. I am learning so much about the way in which I want to live my life, and what it actually looks like and what I can do to live it out.

I am taking times of silence, times of being alone, and times of worship, so I can make sure that God is truly my focus and my everything. I fail in this daily, but God never fails, He is pursuing us always, He is by our side.

Quote by my roommate David, “Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the promise.”

The promise is that God will never leave us or forsake us.

Book Recommendation: The Ragamuffin Gospel
Food Recommendation: Tapioca and Tofu
Life Recommendation: Take your shoes off, enjoy the world with your feet

Connecticut

With Yale University about two miles away from my new home, I already feel a bit smarter. I have been living in New Haven, Connecticut for the last two weeks and I have begun a journey together with some new friends.

We live in a maze-like house with nearly a hundred doors, four floors, a basement, and a big front porch. This house accommodates several Yale students, young adults who are just getting into the work force, a family, a mother and her baby girl, my three roommates and me. I am still not sure of the exact number, but it is pretty neat to share life with all these people from different walks of life.

My time in New Haven will be so different than what I was planning to do in Ireland, but I can see that God has brought me here. I thought I had everything figured out, after learning so much while living on the catamaran in Belize and learning how to truly love and serve people in Mexico, but I was wrong. It is humbling to say that while I was learning so much, I had slowly allowed my relationship with God to drift to the back burner. During these next few months I am doing an internship with an urban monastery, where we will be challenged to dig deeper into our relationship with God while serving and getting to know our surrounding community. In Belize and Mexico I was learning, living, loving, growing, and doing, however sometimes we, as humans, get caught up in the doing, and allow ourselves to lose focus on exactly what the reason is behind all of the doing.

So, I have chosen to make Jesus Christ the center of everything once again. This is not just a one-time choice that will last forever, but it is a choice I have to make every day, and in every situation. I no longer want to just do the right thing or go out of the way to do good just because it is good or right, but I want to do these things because I am in love with Jesus and I want to follow Him.

So I apologize for not feeling this entry with humor, the neat things of Connecticut, or what I am learning, but I have found the desire to be honest and authentic. With all that said, I am still Jordan, I am still dancing down the street, waving to strangers, playing guitar, singing badly, and telling jokes often and in a monotone voice, but I have a longing to be completely real with God and make Him what my life is really all about.

Make Lemonade

Home, sweet home. I truly know what the saying means now. My week at home flew by but I got everything that I needed; time with lauren and nick, a roadtrip with mom and dad, a sloppy kiss from both golden retrievers, hugs from grandparents, a biscuitville biscuit, late nights with friends, a St Mark’s Church service, caleb chip and nayan, homemade bread, sweet tea, a UNC sweatshirt, 24 Buffalo Wild Wings, a ride in a helicopter, and 3 of zach’s precious hotdogs with chili.

It was so great to see almost everybody again and be reunited with Burlington, NC. It was hard to leave but I have gotten pretty good at saying goodbyes over the last few months.

So, I excitedly headed for Ireland through the Chicago and Newark airports, wearing my pea coat and my new European style cap. As I arrived in Ireland I told customs that I was a tourist/volunteer entering Ireland for 3 months, and I was surprisingly stopped. Apparently the organization that I was going to serve with had not quite yet obtained a permit for accepting volunteers. I was asked a hundred questions, I got to give my fingerprints three times, and I got to spend three hours sitting in a chair thinking of how all my plans were rapidly falling apart.

I was allowed to spend one night in Ireland, and I was given a plane ticket back to Newark for the following morning. I stayed in Belfast with the group I was hoping to spend the next three months with and prayed for God to do something miraculous. Well I guess that God had other plans than Ireland for me as I was sent back to the US with no idea of what to do next.

I found nothing but open doors as I arrived back in the country. Don’t get me wrong, this was one of the hardest/longest/worst days of my life, but God’s people welcomed me. I found the warmness of home and God’s love in a small Manhattan apartment in New York City with a group of people who are also part of YWAM. (youth with a mission)

I have been living in NYC for the last week and a half, figuring out what God has next for me and daily telling my parents that I am okay and safe. As of today, I found another open door in Connecticut, where I will be working as an intern with two of the teachers we had while we were in Belize. I will be serving in the community with kids, learning and practicing spiritual disciplines, and taking God’s love to the streets of New Haven, CT.

I am excited for this next phase and adventure, which I believe that God did orchestrate, and I am enjoying my short time in Manhattan. Cool story! Yesterday, I was praying for strangers in grand central station and a woman came to me, confessed her drug addiction to me, and with tears in her eyes begged me for prayer. I got to pray for freedom in Tonya’s life and embrace her with the biggest hug that I had to give. God puts people in our paths every day that either we need or ones that need us; listen and look for these opportunities.

yes mom and dad, i am still safe

thanks everyone for the support and the prayers

and when life gives you lemons, well… you know what to do.

Bittersweet Symphony

today is the last of my days in Nochixtlan, Mexico.  i had trouble sleeping last night, knowing that i would have to say goodbye to all the friends i have made over the last two months.  our last two weeks here have been filled with those moments where life just seems to come together.  the moments when you give up thinking about the future or the past, because you are enjoying the present so much.  the moments where you have to pinch yourself to make sure you are not dreaming.

we got to visit a church, more than an hour away from Nochixtlan.  this place was hidden deep in the mountains; it was so far away from everything, but the people there were so close to each other.  the people there taught us how to love one another, as we saw them give all they had to their friends and to us.  worship songs can take on a whole new meaning when you are surrounded by God`s beautiful creation and His people that are giving all they have to live for Him.  thepeople of the  tiny village face harsh persecution because of their beliefs, but that only adds fuel to their fire.  it was there on the mountaintop, with these brothers and sisters where i got to experience one of these amazing moments. 

our group hosted a festival for children, where i got to be dressed up like a clown, and where i was also attacked by two hundred cute little brown kids.  mom, please send icy-hot.  i am so glad that in the end… clowns are still scary to children, or i would not be here writing this.  i got to have another one of these moments from the bottom of a dog pile of screaming kids.

i felt kind of nervous as i walked through the gate giving freedom to the outside world and into the prison of Nochixtlan.  but with the smiles and the handshakes of the 35 men in the prison i was eased as i got to speak in front of them all.  after we shared some of our lives with these tough guys, we got to pray and then play soccer with them.  there in the prison of Nochixtlan, down 5-2 to guys having the time of their lives, i got to experience one of these moments again.  i will never forget that prison or the men there, i was even able to get all of their autographs on a soccer ball given to me by one of the inmates, Francisco.

well, i am pretty emotional to leave this place after having experienced the generosity and the love of God`s church in Mexico.  today will be hard, but i am so glad for all my new friendships and all my new experiences.  

i am really looking forward to finally seeing family and friends as i will be home in less than a week`s time!

thanks everyone for the support

Feliz Ano Nuevo – Happy New Year

these last two weeks have really been great and have flown by. Christmas was very different this year, but the family i am living with here really made us feel loved, as we had massive meals, delicious desserts, and plenty of piñatas on Christmas Eve. no presents were opened on Christmas here; instead we celebrated with hugs, Christmas songs, and a James Bond movie. this season has really made me realize how much i miss family and home, but it has been pleasant to experience a different culture during the holidays.

our group has continued with different service projects during the days. this past week, i got to throw a thousand bricks on top of a roof and paint the majority of a house (as well as my friends’ faces and t-shirts). we work hard because we know that service is something that we can give our whole hearts to, have fun with, and grow closer through.

i taught the entire group a step routine and we have been performing it alongside a Christmas drama to reach out to the surrounding communities. we show and tell people about this attractive way of living by playing with kids, hugging cute old women, and actually listening to people’s life stories.

we brought in the new year with pizza, a 5 hour church service, and yet again more hugs. i made some new year’s resolutions, shaved my head, and made a commitment to spend the next four months of this trip in Ireland. that means i get to visit home for a few days in between Mexico and Ireland! i have never been more excited to go 111 running brook drive.

the last few days have been great as we got to celebrate the pastor’s birthday with a trip to the world’s smallest volcano, a walk in underground tunnels, and a go-kart race. i have hard days, i have days when i am tired, but i am learning to make the best out of every experience. i am learning to love even when it is not easy. i have gotten to share churros with the homeless, share time with the lonely, and share my back and my lap with cute brown kids. life works so much better when we can share and love with everything that we have.

thanks all for reading…

Each New Day Gets Better

the last two weeks have been so amazing. during the days we have been continuing a construction project of a missionary center here in oaxaca, and at night we have been performing dramas, playing with kids, and dancing in the freezing cold.

days are in the 80s, and nights get down into the 30s, as our group is staying at a local church in two rooms. we have a cold water shower outside, no heat, and i have been sleeping on the floor. but despite these conditions each new day gets better. i am building great relationships with the people of this community, i am growing more attached to this family, my spanish vocabulary is getting bigger, and i am getting better at impersonating raptors and elephants for the kids.

the food continues to be delicious, the people continue to be warm, and i continue to do whatever i can to love the kids and make them laugh. one girl left our team this past week to head home because she had gotten pretty sick and wanted to go home.

i am very happy here, and though not everything that we do during the day is easy or fun, so much of life is a choice. we have to choose to be happy beyond our feelings, we have to choose to love beyond our ability, we have to choose to make the best out of every situation beyond the circumstance, and we can choose to make God the Lord of our lives.

i want to share something amazing that i learned this past week.

whatever we do, we can worship God in it, and i mean whatever. we can turn any activity into an art and serve God through it. there is a man at this church who taught me this lesson, his name is Ronulfo, and he is my hero. his tithe to the church is complete service, he works 6 days a week 13 hours a day to clean toilets, water plants, serve us, or whatever needs to be done, Ronulfo does without pay as a service to God.

have an amazing christmas, and remember the significance of this time of the year. thank you God that you love us so much that you sent your son to save us.

pictures will come soon

Grasshoppers For Breakfast

covered in dust and thorns, i am writing this entry from up on top of a mountain next to a crumbling statue of Jesus. well it is hard to describe this past week in words, as i have been surrounded by the beauty of creation and the beauty of people, in this small Mexican town called Nochixtlan. i have already gotten the full Mexican experience from doing construction work all day to squeezing 10 people in an astro-van and from busting an authentic piñata to even eating grasshoppers. the town is famous for its chocolate and tortillas and is surrounded by mountains on all sides, so life is great!

i have been blown away by the acceptance and the welcoming spirit of the Church. we got to go to a different church every night this week, some outdoors, some in pink living rooms, and some in church buildings. but in all of the churches, we got to break bread, worship together, and be loved as our family grew larger and larger.

i have fallen in love with this place and these people in only a week’s time and i look forward to each new day that i get to spend in this town. my friend Corbin and i have truly been taken care of, as we have stayed with Pastor Samuel, his wife and his two adorable sons.

they only speak Español here, so that has been fun and difficult but it has taught me that love, smiles, and animal noises are all universal; and it has also taught our group how much bigger God is than any language barrier.